Upset customer complains to @Starbucks about name/drink/face recognition technology in gold card

I just got this email from Fanny Fettchen … she just received her special Gold Card with her name on it…

When Fanny Fettchen received her shiny Starbucks Gold Card in the mail, she was thrilled.  She jumped up and down and couldn’t wait to use it.  Now she would be earning stars for free drinks!  Since Fanny was the kind of person tending to read the fine print of things, she knew she had to load money on the card.  Though there was no requirement that she switch to the Gold Card, she was proud to carry it, and did transfer funds to the new card.  She loved the new MyStarbucksRewards!

On a lovely Spring Pennsylvania day, Fanny ran to her local Starbucks and tested out her new card.  She walked into a nearby Starbucks and three baristas were on the floor, only one of whom she recognized. ‘There must be some new faces here’, she thought.

She ordered her usual: “Hi there! I’d like a Venti Strawberries and Cream Frappuccino.”

The barista replied: “Sure. That’ll be $5.75, Ms. Fettchen!”

“Wait. How did you know my name?“  Fanny inquired.

“This is so cool! Our store is testing a new feature. Your card has a special chip in it which stores your most frequently purchased beverage based on registered card history.  It knows your name and has face recognition technology!”

Fanny was a little puzzled by this.  She wasn’t sure if that sounded cool or just weird.  She didn’t fret about this though. Her drink was perfect, and soon she was on her way.

One week later, Fanny decided again to stop into one of her many local Starbucks for a nice treat of a Frappuccino.  The exact same thing happened again!  The barista knew her name and drink! At this new store, the barista asked to “beep” the card under a reader before she even ordered, and the barista said, “Hi Ms. Fettchen! Do you want your usual Strawberries and Cream Frappuccino.”  Wow this felt a little weird to her, but still her drink was wonderful, and she was happy.

On a beautiful spring day in April, Fanny headed into a local Starbucks, again wanting her weekly treat of a Venti Strawberries and Cream Frappuccino.

She arrived at the store, and had the Gold Card in her hand. The barista said, “Hey just slide your card right here in the reader!“  and Fanny complied.

The barista enthusiastically said, “Hi Ms. Fettchen welcome to our store! What can I get you?”

Fanny said, “I’d like a Venti Strawberries and Cream Frappuccino“.

The barista replied, “Wouldn’t you prefer a tall iced skinny dark cherry mocha or latte with no whip cream?  That would still be a sweet drink, but far fewer calories?”

There was an awkward momentary pause. Thank goodness, she thought, the store is slow an no one is behind me.  “Uhhh. No. I really want a yummy Venti Strawberry Frappuccino with extra whipcream!”

The barista was undaunted by this answer: “Maybe you’d like to try a Grande Strawberry Banana Vivanno?  It’s like a meal in a cup, but still healthier than a Frappuccino.”

Fanny, now quite annoyed at the difficulty of ordering her beverage of choice, and unaware that her namesake song played in the background, argued with the barista: “No! I really want a Venti Strawberries and Cream Frappuccino, with extra whip-cream in a separate Venti cup.  Is the problem not enough money on the card? I’ll order a Grande then”

The barista silently took her Gold Card and swiped it.  After just a moment, the young green apron barista said, “No. I’m really sorry but the register won’t let you order this.  Our new face recognition technology tells me you’ve gained five pounds in the last three weeks! You’ve been declined unless you order a healthy option.”

Fanny was not easily dissuaded from getting her Starbucks treat. “Okay then a Grande Coffee Caramel Frappuccino.”

The barista said, “No.  You’ve declined. Try losing some weight.  Weight watchers is down the road!”

“But … but … I ordered one last week with no problem.“  Though when it became clear that the barista was steadfast in his resolve to talk her into another drink, Fanny Fettchen turned around and left empty-handed.

As she walked away, she heard the barista still trying to talk to her, and blaming the register, “The register won’t let me ring you up for anything in the Venti size, or any Frappuccino.  You’ve got to order a “skinny” drink.”

This wasn’t the end of this. Fanny was genuinely puzzled.  She got back to her little house and immediately got online to try and figure how to complain about this silly new Gold Card technology.  She signed onto her twitter account, and did an “@” reply to Starbucks, hoping to catch the Starbucks-tweeter-guy’s attention (she didn’t know his name, after all, she’s just a normal customer).

She simply wrote, “@Starbucks – My store won’t let me buy a Strawberries and Cream Frappuccino. I need 1. I’m in PA”

Brad, the Starbucks-tweeter-guy, wrote back pretty promptly, “@FannyFettchen – I’m sorry. That’s a limited test of a few stores in PA. Registers have special face recognition and weight-gain healthy drink suggestion technology.”

Finally, Brad, the Starbucks-tweeter-guy, through a series of direct messages, put the distraught Fanny in contact with her local Regional Vice President to work out this complaint.

About two weeks later she met up with the Starbucks Regional Vice President in person at her favorite store.  She had never met him before and soon realized that he was a tall, blonde, handsome man with a drawl with no weight problems.  He again explained to her, “Gosh I am really sorry Ms. Fettchen, but your area of stores is participating in a test of new name, drink, and face technology, and the register now prompts the baristas to suggest appropriate beverages based on identified weight gain.”

Fanny began to cry.  The truth is that she was an emotional woman, who personalized everything, and even though she was totally happy with her shape, it became apparent that she would either have to give up the Strawberries and Cream Frappuccino, or relocate to a new town.  She felt ostracized by Starbucks. She thought she was such a big fan. How could they do this to her?  Oblivious that the entire store was watching, Fanny sobbed.

The RVP, Mr. John Doe, handed her some customer service recovery coupons and told her that it was just a test, and that there were other stores she could go to, or wait and come back six weeks later when the test was over or try it again to see if the register would allow it this time around.

“Let’s try it again right now Fanny!” Said John Doe.

Fanny walked up to the register, anxiously, and said, “Venti Strawberries and Cream Frappuccino with a side of whipcream in a separate cup.”

Bennie-Barista said, “Sure, that will be $5.75. And congratulations, you’re losing weight again!”

Fanny felt herself beaming inside that over the past two weeks she had lost a little weight! Though still she wasn’t a fan of this new technology.  She wondered when the doctor’s scale would appear at the register.  Just as bad, as she left, she stopped into the ladies’ room and saw that it now had one of those tall scales you stand on, put in a quarter, and gives you your weight! ‘What is Starbucks doing?’, she thought.

Six weeks went by fast.  The weather turned warmer, and for the first time she was free of Starbucks. It was too awkward to deal with the face recognition technology so she didn’t go back during the test.  It felt great! She had more money to buy clothes, and sure enough, lost a little weight now that she was walking in the sunshine, and not drinking milky sugary beverages! Fanny was happy.  Oh well she thought, I guess there is a bright side to everything… Every Starbucks story has a happy ending! Fanny saved a little money and lost some weight!

HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY!!!!!!!!!

(If as you’re reading this you really can’t picture the characters, just substitute in Ms. Swan for the Fanny character.  Enjoy your April Fool’s Day!)